


EGS fics

by yd12k



Category: El Goonish Shive
Genre: A collection of short stories
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2018-12-21 12:32:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11944278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yd12k/pseuds/yd12k
Summary: Stuff I write about EGS. Usually does not actually contain main characters.





	1. In which Comically Evil Guy wasn't eaten by an abberation.

My plans had all worked. I have burned down orphanages, stolen by subterfuge and by force, I've even managed to succeed in many dognappings. That's when my luck had run out. First, while taking the dogs had been easy, training them had not. Instilling in them both the loyalty and the bloodlust I required had proven challenging.

And then he'd shown up. The 'hero' with the goatee and the gorgeous hair. Really, I should have expected this. No fun in being a villian if nobody's going to stop you. I'd beaten him the first time and hidden out somewhere else, but he just kept finding me, as if he had an innate sense of where to find puppies in danger. Really, if I left the puppies behind I could probably have avoided him.

That'd've been boring.

"Let the puppies go or I'm calling the police!"

"Leave now or I'll let them loose!"

"That is exactly what I want though!"

"These dogs haven't eaten in three days, and I've injected half of them with pirahna blood, making them capable of devouring you in seconds!"

"Just try it!"

I let the dogs go, and they ran after my nemesis, who I had learned was called Tom. Soon they would gnaw his flesh to the bone and... WAS HE FEEDING THEM TREATS? WHAT WAS THE POINT OF SHOWING THEM EDUCATIONAL SKELETON REPLICAS IF IT DIDN'T INDOCTRINATE THEM TO SKELETONIZE EVERY MAN I POINT AT?!?

And then the cops showed up and arrested me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly it seemed like a waste to introduce the perfect foil to tom and then have him be eaten within a page, so I decided to rectify it.
> 
> More generally this is not the first fic I've written, but it's the first I finished, if you can call that ending a finish. I may come back and write my other ones, which include slightly more important characters like Kitty and Akiko.


	2. In which magic is even more unreasonable

Grace called from up the stairs to the basement. "Tedd? Magic's changed again. Could you come take a look?"

Tedd sighed. "Again? That's the third time this month. If it keeps speeding up like this I'll have to reverse engineer multiple magic systems every day before the end of the year."

"Well, you're one of very few people capable of doing it, and I know you like the challenge."

"I do, but it's been the same story again and again." Tedd said as he walked up the stairs. "Look at the new patterns, put up a video on the internet demonstrating how to use magic now, and have about three weeks at most where it functions before it all starts again"

"Do you think magic will give up at some point?" asked Grace. She wasn't actually affected by the constant shifting, but having to hear all her friends complaining about the constant shifts was annoying in it's own way.

"I just hope that whatever it settles on will be easier to access then the last five have been" Tedd frowned

"I don't know, the time all magic came from contracts with magical beings and involved transformation to hide one's identity not just as a side effect but a prerequisite was pretty fun"

"You spent half a month disguising yourself in squirrel form and training Akiko to be a magical girl."

"She was adorable and you know it. Besides, if she'd ever been in any actual danger I'd have saved her immediatly"

"Yeah, but then my aunt found out. Anyway, I think I See how this system functions. Could you fetch me a bottle of mountain dew, a kilo of seaweed and a sharpened spatula? I need to run some tests."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is not the akiko fic I mentioned in the last chapter notes, but I still do not know how to end that one (or any of the other WIPS I have). I did find this one, which I'd completely forgotten about and decided to quickly finish.


End file.
